she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
