It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
