she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
