After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
