I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
