what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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