hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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