you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
