toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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