This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
third nipple confirmed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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