We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's get the cat blown out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
