I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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