Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
