was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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