We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
