My friends, they love my intelligence
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
