What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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