I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
