And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
