it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
