but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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