fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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