please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
