took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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