So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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