Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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