i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
