it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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