remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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