.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
