So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
