new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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