i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
