A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
