Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize