I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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