six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this will be a night to untag.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
