what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
