she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
