By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
