Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
