Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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