Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
