Got a toothbrush?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't make out with my wife yet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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