is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
