Don't you send me to vm
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
