My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
