I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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