I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
