I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
