There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
