He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
