I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
