Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
