so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
