I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
