you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
