I feel great
I just peed on a car
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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