i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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