he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
