I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
