Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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