Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
