My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
