Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize