I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize