the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
