I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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