2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
40s are totally the cure
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We are all done wearing pants today
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
