you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
