All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
