I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
