last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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