I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
