a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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