if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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