I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
