the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
