break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
