this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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