Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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