Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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