he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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