And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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