y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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