u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
