I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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