Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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