Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
