I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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