textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
