Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
