can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's blow job season.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize