I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
