I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
