tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I skipped work to stalk him.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
