Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
