this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
