Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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