So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sext me about skeletons
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
