My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
