I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize