what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
