my mouth tastes like poor choices
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
